Before ya know it you’re in a rut. Ya don’t know when it started or why you’re there. But one thing you do know is you have to get out of it before it turns into a hole.  

It started out with my feet being stuck in one place for hours. There were things I had to do like everyday activities of daily living. But playing mindless games on the laptop seemed the thing I wanted to do, so I did. I spent hours and hours and spent money to get more lives. Little did I know at the time that my own life was slipping down the slope to the rut. 

The rut is a lonely place to be. I’m there by myself with no one being the wiser. There are times when family and friends make me laugh. Sometimes so hard that my stomach hurts. But they have no Idea I am ankle-deep at the beginning of a rut with mud between my toes. 

I don’t feel like being happy, I like it where I am even though I know it is a dangerous place to be. I’m trapped by my ankles but it’s my thoughts that are affected not my feet. Maybe when ya get into a rut ya go in headfirst and not feet first. Or maybe someone in the rut is pulling me so I can’t get out, just waiting for the right moment to make the rut into a deep hole. 

That’s what I think is happening to me, there is someone pulling me down and that person is me. That means it’s me that I must reason with to get out of the rut. But most times I don’t want to listen because it’s only me talking to myself. But I don’t want anyone else to talk to me about my rut because I don’t want them to know I’m sinking.